Creative Ways to Help Balance the State Budget

1. Force the Lieutenant Governor and the Secretary of State to take a year-long unpaid furlough. It's not like they do anything necessary to the operations of state government. It would take a constitutional amendment to abolish the offices, and there is no time for that. However, since it's legal to force state employees to take unpaid furloughs, this would be a great place to start.

2. Sell ad space on state vehicles. This is an important revenue stream for Madison Metro. Why can't the state also take advantage of bus-wrap technology to bring in some cash to help maintain the fleet? There could be tiered rates depending on the nature of the vehicle and how often it leaves its garage.

3. Sell ad space on Governor Doyle's head. If Danny Bonaduce could get a sponsor to pay him to tattoo their logo on his back prior to his televised boxing match against Todd Bridges, I imagine someone would be willing to pay to have a temporary tattoo of their message on Doyle's bald dome during a press conference. It would have to be in good taste, of course, and not contrary to state policies. Perhaps promoting the Tommy Bartlett show (now with water), for instance.

4. Follow California's lead by legalising and taxing medical marijuana. Now that the feds have a hands-off policy on medical marijuana dispensaries that comply with state regulations, are we going to pass on this potential revenue stream? So what if we attract drug tourists? Aren't we trying to grow the state's tourism industry?

5. Surpass Nevada's lead by not only decriminalising, but also regulating and taxing prostitution. Not only could this be a lucrative revenue stream, but it would have the added benefit of largely shifting the industry from residential areas to the outskirts of towns (where most strip clubs currently operate) and from drug-addicted minors to autonomous adults with access to health care and legal recourse against abusive pimps. And sex tourism is still tourism. Maybe some enterprising businesswoman will buy the bankrupt Three Bears Lodge along I-94 in Warrens and turn it into a brothel with a Klondike gold rush theme (Miss Tilly's Good Times Saloon -- Yes, we can-can).

Now, we'd better hurry, before Minnesota beats us to it.