[Because I've always thought it would be cool to write for The Onion]
January 16, 2009
Thousands Volunteer to Help Bush Move
WASHINGTON, DC--President George W. Bush was pleasantly surprised on Saturday morning to find his Craigslist ad for moving help answered by over 4,000 patriotic D.C. residents.
"I thought we'd get maybe a hundred people," he explained. "This is great. It only took us an hour and a half to load up the trucks."
Due to security measures added after the September 11 terrorist attacks, moving vans are not allowed to park within two blocks of the White House. "I understand the need for caution, but that meant that all the big stuff needed to be rolled on luggage carts or appliance dollies. But with so many helping hands, they formed a sorta bucket brigade, with the younger kids running the empty carts back to the front of the line."
Schoolteacher Anthony Jefferson, a lifelong D.C. resident, was one of the many who heeded the call to service. He explained: "We're all eager to help the President and First Lady get back to Texas and private life. I think it's safe to say that every man, woman and child here is very excited to be a part of this moment in history. The promise of free Domino's pizza and sodas was just icing on the cake."
Asked if he placed a similar Craigslist ad in Dallas for help with the unloading, the President explained: "There was no need for that. My brother Jeb is between jobs right now, and he volunteered to round up a bunch of his hispanic in-laws and get us moved into our new place. Those people are very industrious, you know."