Zach W over at Blogging Blue distilled a Journal-Sentinel article listing the amount of cash various Democratic politicians have on hand for a potential gubenatorial run. The gist of it is that Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett could purchase all of the other campaigns combined six times before running out of campaign cash.
As a concerned public citizen, I would like to offer the following ideas to help the lesser politicians catch up. I won't even charge a consulting fee to any campaign(s) that use any of them. Consider it my contribution to a free exchange of ideas (which will no doubt come back to bite me in the ass in the form of robo-calls at suppertime).
1. Set up a dunk tank at the Taste of Madison. Put a volunteer in a Dick Cheney mask in the tank. Support the troops by giving a free throw to any Iraq War veterans who happen by.
2. Dancing with the Pols. Tom DeLay has made it acceptable for politicians to dance in public for money. Have a "dollar dance" at the Cardinal Bar when it re-opens next month. It's a Midwestern wedding staple, so no one should be offended. If you charge $10 a minute to dance with the candidate, you will only have to endure about 16,000 Depeche Mode songs to catch up to Barrett.
3. Hold a fundraiser at a sports bar with a dart board. Place a big #4 on the dart board (numerals are in the public domain, after all) and charge people to throw darts at it.
4. Hold a "Win a Dream Date to the Frostiball" contest. Donors who contribute $100 or more are entered into a drawing to accompany the candidate to the 2010 Frostiball, with dinner at a fancy downtown restaurant beforehand.
5. Offer to host a debate between spokespersons for PETA and the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board. Place the podiums (podia?) inside a kiddie pool filled with mud, surrounded by a cage. Sell tickets.
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