Indulging in Schadenfavre

It was a satisfactory day to be a Packer fan, if one can take pleasure in the misfortunes of others. The Packers ended their losing season with a win, helping the Detroit Lions make history as the NFL's first 0-16 team. The Dallas Cowboys were routed even more brutally than the Badgers in yesterday's Champs Sports Bowl. And the New York Jets were eliminated from the playoffs.

Brett Favre increased his all-time interceptions record by three. The last one came after he rushed the snap, trying to take advantage of the Dolphin's seeming confusion in their defensive formation. He had one more attempt to come from behind. He completed a pass, received a lateral, then got flagged for an illegal forward pass when even New York Governor David Paterson could have seen he was beyond the line of scrimmage. His performance in today's game was as full of hubris as his off-season soap opera with the Packers' front office. The game announcers were loudly speculating that it would be his last game. I'm not so sure. I think he might still sucker some other NFL franchise (preferably in a warmer city) to board the Favre crazy train.

Predictions for 2009

These are no more outrageous, and no less likely, than the predictions of many Internet "pundits" -- so let's gaze into the virtual crystal ball and see what 2009 has in store:

1. America's print newspapers will all go bankrupt, except for The National Enquirer and The Onion. The Enquirer will receive a Pulitzer prize for its coverage of the John Edwards sex scandal.

2. Mike Huckabee will re-gain 100 pounds, then lose it with the help of fellow southerner Richard Simmons. The two will go on to co-author a best-selling self-help/lifestyle book, then co-host a hit point/counterpoint show about the culture wars on Fox News.

3. The new Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church will crown Vladimir Putin Tsar of All the Russias.

4. Madison will receive 105 inches of snow for the season, breaking last year's record. An angry mob will converge on the UW Meteorology Building and pelt it with snowballs in an attempt to appease Thor.

5. Brett Favre will be traded to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers after refusing to play another season in a northern city.

6. Apple will close its chain of bricks-and-mortar stores, forcing consumers to either buy online or patronize other electronics retailers. In many cities, Wal-Mart will be the only place to obtain an iPhone, leading to the demise of the Apple brand as politically-correct Apple geeks refuse to do business with the evil empire.